Act I, Scene I
It is late Friday afternoon. DUNC is standing in front of SOPHIE with his arms folded. SOPHIE is sitting on the couch with her head in her hands. There is a dictionary open face down on the coffee table. Several seconds pass. SOPHIE jumps up.
DUNC: I can’t believe it!
SOPHIE: I’m right, aren’t I?
SOPHIE picks up the dictionary and reads.
SOPHIE: “Monarsenous: a zoological term that means having only one male to several females.” That’s five nothing. If you want to win –
When she looks up, Dunc is waiving a doily.
SOPHIE: What are you doing?
SOPHIE: With a doily?
DUNC: I surrender to your mastery of the English language and your unmatched beauty. You’ll just have to take me prisoner.
He holds his arms out as if to be handcuffed.
SOPHIE: I don’t take prisoners.
DUNC: But I can see you have a kind heart. Take pity on me. Please?
Dunc walks towards her.
SOPHIE: Well, you are kind of cute, and you’ve got a great butt. Maybe I can find a use for you.
DUNC: I’ll do anything you ask.
SOPHIE: Anything? But I heard you’re married.
DUNC: I am, to the most beautiful woman in the world. But if it meant sparing my life, I’m sure she’d understand.
SOPHIE: Beautiful, is she? What else?
He gets closer as he speaks.
DUNC: She’s smart, she’s creative. The second you meet her, you’re drawn to her.
SOPHIE: Sounds awesome.
DUNC: She is.
SOPHIE: Then why is she hanging around with the likes of you?
DUNC: Hey! I was getting warmed up.
SOPHIE: That’s what I’m worried about. Look – it’s almost six. They’ll be here any second.
DUNC checks his watch.
DUNC: Really? I lost track of time.
DUNC goes to the front door and looks out.
DUNC: No sign of them yet. But if I know Bill, they will not be late.
SOPHIE: Then we wouldn’t want to be occupied when they arrive, although it shouldn’t be surprising. Technically, we’re still on our honeymoon.
DUNC: You know, you don’t usually hear the words technically and honeymoon in the same sentence.
SOPHIE: There is a technical side to honeymoons.
DUNC: There is?
SOPHIE: The word honeymoon comes from the custom of the newlyweds drinking honeyed wine each day for a month after the wedding. And since this weekend marks the end of the first month of our marriage, technically, we’re still on our honeymoon.
DUNC: How about that?
SOPHIE: So instead of playing host this weekend, we should really be enjoying a honeymoon salad.
DUNC: What’s a honeymoon salad?
SOPHIE: Lettuce alone with no dressing.
DUNC: No dressing? Wouldn’t that be a little boring?
SOPHIE: Trust me, it’s not.
DUNC: Well, we’ll just have to see, now won’t we?
SOPHIE: Not this weekend, we won’t.
DUNC: Why not?
SOPHIE: With your friends in the next room?
DUNC: They won’t mind.
DUNC: We’ll be quiet.
DUNC: Okay, I’ll be quiet.
DUNC: (beat) Did they say when they were leaving on Sunday?