Between Friends

Act I, Scene I

It is late Friday afternoon. DUNC is standing in front of SOPHIE with his arms folded. SOPHIE is sitting on the couch with her head in her hands. There is a dictionary open face down on the coffee table. Several seconds pass. SOPHIE jumps up.

SOPHIE:        Monarsenous!

DUNC:           I can’t believe it!

SOPHIE:        I’m right, aren’t I?

                                   SOPHIE picks up the dictionary and reads.

SOPHIE:        “Monarsenous: a zoological term that means having only one male to several females.” That’s five nothing.                             If you want to win –

                                   When she looks up, Dunc is waiving a doily.

SOPHIE:        What are you doing?

DUNC:           Surrendering.

SOPHIE:        With a doily?

DUNC:           I surrender to your mastery of the English language and your unmatched beauty. You’ll just have to take                                me prisoner.

                                   He holds his arms out as if to be handcuffed.

SOPHIE:        I don’t take prisoners.

DUNC:           But I can see you have a kind heart. Take pity on me. Please?

                                   Dunc walks towards her.

SOPHIE:        Well, you are kind of cute, and you’ve got a great butt. Maybe I can find a use for you.

DUNC:           I’ll do anything you ask.

SOPHIE:        Anything? But I heard you’re married.

DUNC:           I am, to the most beautiful woman in the world. But if it meant sparing my life, I’m sure she’d understand.

SOPHIE:        Beautiful, is she? What else?

                                  He gets closer as he speaks.

DUNC:           She’s smart, she’s creative. The second you meet her, you’re drawn to her.

SOPHIE:        Sounds awesome.

DUNC:           She is.

SOPHIE:        Then why is she hanging around with the likes of you?

DUNC:           Hey! I was getting warmed up.

SOPHIE:        That’s what I’m worried about. Look – it’s almost six. They’ll be here any second.

                                 DUNC checks his watch.

DUNC:           Really? I lost track of time.

                                 DUNC goes to the front door and looks out.

DUNC:           No sign of them yet. But if I know Bill, they will not be late.

SOPHIE:        Then we wouldn’t want to be occupied when they arrive, although it shouldn’t be surprising. Technically,                                   we’re still on our honeymoon.

DUNC:           You know, you don’t usually hear the words technically and honeymoon in the same sentence.

SOPHIE:        There is a technical side to honeymoons.

DUNC:           There is?

SOPHIE:        The word honeymoon comes from the custom of the newlyweds drinking honeyed wine each day for a                                   month after the wedding. And since this weekend marks the end of the first month of our marriage,                                         technically, we’re still on our honeymoon.

DUNC:           How about that?

SOPHIE:        So instead of playing host this weekend, we should really be enjoying a honeymoon salad.

DUNC:           What’s a honeymoon salad?

SOPHIE:        Lettuce alone with no dressing.

DUNC:           No dressing? Wouldn’t that be a little boring?

SOPHIE:        Trust me, it’s not.

DUNC:           Well, we’ll just have to see, now won’t we?

SOPHIE:        Not this weekend, we won’t.

DUNC:           Why not?

SOPHIE:        With your friends in the next room?

DUNC:           They won’t mind.

SOPHIE:        Duncan!

DUNC:           We’ll be quiet.

SOPHIE:        Really?

DUNC:           Okay, I’ll be quiet.

SOPHIE:        Really?

DUNC:           (beat) Did they say when they were leaving on Sunday?

Copyright © John Spurway 2008