Set during the financial crisis of 2008, Ron and Millie find themselves in trouble. Ron has been laid off, and thanks to some poor investments, they are in a financial crisis that threatens their survival. After some coaxing from Millie, Ron agrees to take in boarders – two clean, quiet young men – to bring in cash while he finds work. They find Max, a quiet bookworm, as their first boarder. Rough and tumble construction worker Charlotte (Charlie) strong-arms Ron into accepting her as the second boarder. In an innocent mistake, Charlie reveals a big secret Millie has been hiding from Ron, which only adds to their problems. In an effort to atone, Charlie recruits an unwilling Max to help patch things up. In the process, they reveal yet another profound yet beautiful secret. Boarders is a sweet and heartwarming story of how strangers can become like family.
Cast: 2F/2M
Characters – In order of Appearance
RON – Millie’s husband 58 years old
MILLIE – Ron’s wife 56 years old
MAX – Male, 36 years old
CHARLOTTE – (aka Charlie) a woman roughly Max’s age
Setting
The living room of a two-storey house. On one side is a small eating area with a table and chairs. There is a door that leads to the kitchen and a front door. There is a set of stairs that leads upstairs. There is a mirror on one wall. There is also a sofa and chair set with a phone on one end table with a box of Kleenex on it.
Act I
Scene I
RON is sitting on a chair in the living room. He has a newspaper in front of him and is cutting out sections. The phone rings. He looks up just as he cuts down and cuts his finger.
RON: Ow!
He sticks his finger in his mouth. The phone rings again as he wraps his finger in Kleenex.
RON: I heard you already!
He looks at the caller ID. The phone rings a third time as MILLIE enters from the kitchen and answers it before he can stop her.
RON: Wait!
MILLIE: Hello? … Yes he’s right here.
She goes to hand him the phone. He doesn’t take it at first. She pushes it at him again; again he doesn’t take it from her. She covers the mouthpiece.
MILLIE: You need to take this call.
RON: No I don’t.
MILLE: You can’t avoid him forever.
RON: Yes I can.
MILLIE: Take the phone, Ron.
RON: I don’t want to.
MILLIE: You have to face him sooner or later.
RON: How about later?
MILLIE: How about now?
She glares at him with the phone extended to him.
RON: Fine!
RON takes the phone.
RON: Hello, this is Ron … Oh, hi … yes, yes, I did get your messages and I would’ve called back but I’ve been busy looking for work … yes, I know we’re behind, but we’ll catch up … I know I said that last time … and the time before … how much? One month? But … Yeah, but … Yeah, but … okay, one month. I hope I’ll have found something by then.
He hangs up.
RON: Jerk!
MILLIE: What!?
RON: The bank is giving us four weeks to make a payment.
MILLIE: How much longer do you think we could stall them?
RON: (Thinking) Twenty-nine years …
MILLIE: I know we can’t stall them that long.
RON: Twenty-nine years we’ve been dealing with them, and now it’s down to a measly four weeks. I’ve got half a mind to march down there and pull everything out of that lousy institution.
MILLIE: I’m sure they’d be devastated to lose our overdraft checking account and maxed-out line of credit.
RON: You know, they’re partly to blame for us being in this mess.
MILLIE: How do you figure that?
RON: I’d expect good advice from a bank. But did we get any? No! They sat by and let us borrow money to invest in companies that were ready to tank.
MILLIE: Those investments were made with your cousin, not the bank. Involving him was our mistake.
RON: What’s wrong with Cousin Cal?
MILLIE just looks at him.
RON: Okay, apart from the alleged mob connections … and the alleged racketeering charges …
MILLIE: And the “alleged” five to ten he’s currently serving?
RON: Fine, maybe he wasn’t the best choice, but the market crash wasn’t his fault.
MILLIE: Looking back, re-mortgaging the house to buy those investments wasn’t such a great idea.
RON: I really thought they’d pay off and put us on easy street. Maybe if I’d been in another line of work, I wouldn’t have been laid off.
MILLIE: And maybe if I’d worked for pay rather than volunteer all these years, things would be different. But I’m not worried. Something will come along. Is there anything in today’s paper?
RON: Monday isn’t the best day to look, but there is one thing. Here, check this out.
RON hands her the piece he cut from the paper.
MILLIE: What happened to your finger?
RON: It’s fine.
MILLIE: I’ll get a band-aid.
RON: I’m okay, really. Here, just read it.
MILLIE: (reading) Depressed? Afraid to go out of the house? Then call dial-a-pal …
RON: What? Let me see that.
He takes the paper from her.
MILLIE: Hand over those scissors, Ron.
He turns it over.
RON: It’s on the other side. Here. (reading) Fantastic opportunity, no experience necessary, guaranteed results. And listen to their rhyming motto: “All you need is the will to succeed.” It can’t miss.
MILLIE: What’s it for?
RON: It doesn’t say.
MILLIE: How can you say it can’t miss if you don’t even know what it is?
RON: Because it says guaranteed results, Mil. Guaranteed.
MILLIE: Offers like that are usually too good to be true.
RON: Well, it has a toll-free number, so it doesn’t cost anything to call.
He picks up the phone and starts to dial.
RON: You know, I have a good feeling about this. It might be just the break we’ve been looking for. (Pause) There, it’s ringing.
MILLIE: Well that’s a good sign.
RON: Hello? Hi, yes, I’m calling about your newspaper ad … fantastic opportunity, no training re- … yes, that’s the one. What can you tell me about it? (pause) Uh huh (pause) right (pause) I see … how much? Ah, well, not right now, I need to consult with my financial advisor to see if this fits our current investment strategy. I’ll have to get back to you on it … no, that’s okay, I’ll call you. I said I’ll call –
RON hangs up quickly. He sits there for a few seconds, turns the piece of paper over.
RON: Does “dial-a-pal” have a toll-free number?
MILLIE: What was it for?
RON: All I heard was five thousand dollars up front. I figure if we can’t make our mortgage payments, scraping together five G’s will be a real challenge. I’ll just have to keep looking.
RON goes back to the paper.
MILLIE: You know, I have an idea.
RON: Oh yeah?
MILLIE: It’s a little off-the-wall, so you’ll need to keep an open mind.
RON: Okay.
MILLIE: (beat) You say okay, but …
RON: But what? Are you saying I don’t have an open mind?
MILLIE: Well –
RON: This is about the underwear, isn’t it?
MILLIE: Not this again.
RON: Because underwear should be white and have appropriate coverage. Which means thongs are not underwear. A thong is more slingshot than wearing apparel. But just because that’s my opinion doesn’t mean I’m not open-minded. I am open-minded, very open-minded. So tell me, what’s your idea?
MILLIE: Okay, well, we have a couple of spare bedrooms. I was thinking if we could find a way to put them to work for us, you know, generate a few dollars, it might help us get through our financial crunch until something comes along.
RON: Hey, I think I know what you’re getting at.
MILLIE: You do?
RON: If you’re thinking what I’m thinking. It’s a great idea.
MILLIE: You think so?
RON: It’s genius! I should have thought of it myself. High cash flow, low overhead. It’s the answer to all our problems.
MILLIE: I didn’t think you’d be so enthusiastic.
RON: Oh, I’m keen alright.
MILLIE: In fact, I thought you’d resist the idea.
RON: No way. It’s a great idea. We can get started today.
MILLIE: Good, because I –
RON: We’ll get some pots and soil …
MILLIE: What?
RON: Getting seeds might be tough, but there’s that guy down at the pool hall – got a tattoo of a walrus on his neck …
MILLIE: I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing.
RON: What do you mean? You’re talking about turning the spare rooms into a grow-op, right?
MILLIE: No!
RON: It’s brilliant!
MILLIE: That’s not my idea!
RON: Don’t be modest. It’s a great idea.
MILLIE: It’s illegal!
RON: A minor obstacle.
MILLIE: We are NOT going to grow marijuana in our spare bedrooms.
RON: You’re right; what was I thinking? The basement is a much better place.
MILLIE: For Pete’s sake!
RON: There’s more room down there plus there aren’t any carpets to stain.
MILLIE: That’s not my idea!
RON: Fine, I’ll take credit for it if you won’t.
MILLIE: Be serious. It’s a good idea.
RON: Okay, okay. What is it?
MILLIE: Well … I thought we could take in boarders.
RON: (beat) Boarders.
MILLIE: You know, people who would pay us for room and board.
RON: I know what boarders are.
MILLIE: I figure we could get seven or eight hundred dollars a month. That would help see us through. What do you think?
RON: Boarders …
MILLIE: You don’t like the idea.
RON: I didn’t say that.
MILLIE: So you do like the idea.
RON: I didn’t say that, either.
MILLIE: It would just be until things turn around. I don’t want to lose the house.
RON: Neither do I, but I don’t know if I want strangers wandering around the place.
MILLIE: They’d only be strangers at first. We’d get to know them soon enough.
RON: So you’re saying that, in time, they’d be like friends.
MILLIE: Sure.
RON: So your idea is that we get people in here, make them our friends, then charge them to stay. I don’t know, Mil. It sure would cramp my style. There’d be no walking around in my skivvies.
MILLIE: I’m looking for the downside of that.
RON: And what happens if we decide to … you know, get a little frisky?
MILLIE: Frisky?
RON: Yeah.
MILLIE: The last time I saw frisky in this house was during a power failure. And you were just trying to keep warm.
RON: But if the house is crawling with people, we might never get the opportunity.
MILLIE: Two boarders is hardly crawling with people, especially if they’re clean, quiet young men, which is who I think we need. Come on, you have to admit, it’s not a bad idea.
RON: Alright, I’ll give it some thought.
MILLIE: Great. You think about it for a while.
MILLIE gets up and starts for the kitchen.
MILLIE: By the way, I put an ad in tomorrow’s paper.
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