After many years in business, Jillian and Jackson Stapleton are selling The Furrow and Plough, their farm implement business. They need to get the papers signed by the new owners by 5:00 p.m. or they lose everything to Major Tool, their primary supplier. On their way to sign, the husband and wife buyers get arrested in a misunderstanding and won’t get out until too late. In an act of desperation, Jillian recruits a customer and an employee to pose as the new buyers to satisfy the lawyer for Major Tool. They figure they can get the actual new owners to sign the next day and submit the proper paperwork. It all looks like it’s going to work until the real wife of the customer, posing as the buyer, shows up unexpectedly. When it looks as though the whole thing has come apart at the seams, it’s the wife of the posing buyer who comes to the rescue.
Cast: 3F/4M
Here’s how it starts:
Characters – In order of Appearance
Jillian Stapleton – Jack’s wife and part owner of Furrow and Plow
Jackson Stapleton – Jill’s husband and part owner of Furrow and Plow
Milton – Jill’s brother and employee
Sally – Sales employee
Fred Deschenes – A customer and farmer
Purdy Good – Legal Representative of Major Tool Inc.
Mary-Louise Deschenes – Fred’s wife
Setting
Everything takes place in the shared office of husband and wife Jackson and Jillian Stapleton, owners of Furrow and Plow, a farm supply company in a rural community. There is an office desk and chair, some filing cabinets, a copier/printer and other assorted office accoutrements. There is also a meeting table with four chairs around it.
There is a door SL that leads out to the front counter and showroom, plus a door SR behind the desks that leads to a bathroom, and a door up center that leads outdoors.
Act I
Scene I
Jillian is working at a computer at her desk. Jack enters from the showroom. He paces for several seconds and stops and looks at Jill. It is several more seconds before she notices him.
JILL: What!?
JACK: What do you mean ‘what’?
JILL: It’s a simple interrogative, Jack. What has you pacing like an expectant father?
JACK: Isn’t it obvious?
JILL: Obviously not or I wouldn’t ask.
JACK: Then I’ll tell you what’s what. They’re not here, that’s what.
JILL: I can see that.
JACK: You can see something that hasn’t happened? Well, now, aren’t you the clairvoyant? Maybe you can look into the future and tell me when they will be here.
JILL: Hey, don’t growl at me.
JACK: I have to. You’re the only one around.
JILL: That can change real fast.
JACK: Why did we leave this to the last minute? We couldn’t have done this yesterday or the day before? We could have, and we should have, but did we? Oh no, not us. We wait until the last minute and here we are, sweating bullets because they’re late. This is killing me.
JILL: Will you relax? I haven’t seen you this edgy since your last physical.
JACK: Hey, you’d get edgy too if your doctor was a former basketball star. Have you seen those hands? I swear she loosened a couple of fillings during my last prostate exam. But this, this is much worse than that. Stan and Helen are supposed to be here now.
JILL: They’ll get here.
JACK: When? It’s already 3:15.
JILL: I can tell time, Jack. See? (points to watch) The big hand is on the three.
JACK: Well they were supposed to be here when the big hand was on the twelve. Did they call?
JILL: No.
JACK: Are you sure?
JILL: Am I sure they didn’t call?
JACK: That’s right.
JILL: How am I supposed to confirm something that didn’t happen?
JACK: The same way you can see people who aren’t here.
JILL: You sure your physical isn’t today?
JACK: Just answer me.
JILL: Okay, yes.
JACK: They called?
JILL: No, they didn’t call.
JACK: Then why’d you say ‘yes’?
JILL: Because you asked me if I was sure they didn’t call. Yes, I’m sure they didn’t call.
JACK: Thank you for complicating this to the point where I’m starting to get an ulcer.
JILL: You don’t have an ulcer.
JACK: I said starting to; it’s a process, and thanks to your confusing answers, I’m well on my way to growing one. You realize what happens if this sale doesn’t go through by five o’clock.
JILL: Yes.
JACK: Major Tool will waltz in here and take over like they own the place, which they will if the papers aren’t signed.
JILL: But please, tell me anyway.
JACK: We’ll lose everything we’ve worked for … the down payment, the equity we’ve built. It’ll all be gone at 5:01.
JILL: I’m aware of all that.
JACK: Yet there you sit as if our world wasn’t about to end.
JILL: Oh, stop being so dramatic and sit down.
JACK: I can’t.
JILL: Can’t what, stop being dramatic?
JACK I can’t sit down. I’ve got too much nervous energy in me.
JILL: Then pace outside. I’m trying to get some work done.
JACK: How can you work at a time like this?
JILL: Because I want to make sure everything is current when they get here.
JACK: Fine. If that’s what you want, I’ll pace somewhere else while my ulcer spreads like a wildfire.
JILL: You don’t have an ulcer.
JACK: I can feel it right here (presses stomach).
JILL: That’s probably the frozen burrito you had for lunch. You know, you’re supposed to thaw them before you eat them.
MILT enters carrying a box.
MILT: Knock, knock.
JILL: Come on in, Milt.
JACK: What’ve you got?
MILT: A box.
JACK: I can see that.
MILT: Then why’d you ask?
JACK: I wanted to know what’s in the box.
MILT: That’s not what you asked.
JACK: Well I’m asking now. What’s in the box?
MILT: What, this box?
JACK: Milt!
MILT: The tines for Fred Deschenes tiller.
JACK: Finally! Did you call Fred to tell him they’re here?
MILT: No.
JACK: They’ve been back ordered for weeks. He’ll want to know.
MILT: He does know.
JACK: How does he know?
MILT: I told him.
JACK: When?
MILT: A few minutes ago.
JACK: How?
MILT: Over the phone.
JACK: But you just said you didn’t call him.
MILT: I didn’t.
JACK: Have I introduced you to my ulcer?
MILT: You have an ulcer?
JILL: He doesn’t have an ulcer.
JACK: Yes I do. It’s painful and annoying. The two of you have a lot in common.
MILT: Fred called the store just as I was unpacking them. He’s coming in to pick them up.
JACK: Why didn’t you say that in the first place?
MILT: Cause you asked if I called him. I didn’t. He called me.
JACK: Yes, you’re right, that is what I asked. Thank you for the highly literal answer, and for your contribution to the widening hole in the lining of my stomach.
JILL: Oh, stop.
JACK: Seriously, it’s right here (points to stomach). I give it an hour and it’ll be the size of a softball.
MILT: I hear milk helps.
JACK: Thank you, Milt. I see compassion runs in your family. The outpouring of support from both you and your sister here is heart-warming. In fact, my heart is so warm, it’s on fire.
JILL: Just go so we can get some real work done.
JACK: Gladly.
JACK starts for the exit to the showroom.
JILL: Not the showroom! You’ll scare the customers. Go outdoors.
JACK: It’s too hot out.
JILL: Too bad.
JACK: Fine. I’ll wait in the parking lot and keep an eye out for them. (He turns before leaving) Oh, I told Fred he had to pay his account before he gets his order.
JILL: (Holds up a piece of paper) I’ve got his statement right here. Now get, and try not to upset Mother Nature.
JACK exits out the door to outside.
JILL: With him out there, it’ll probably rain frogs. Sorry about that, Milt. The buyers are late and he’s really on edge.
MILT: He seems normal to me.
Copyright 2025